Ryan's Rant (Volume 1, Episode 3)

It’s a pretty surprising world, isn’t it? You just never know when you’re going to surprised by the events around you. Sometimes it’s as simple as finding a $20 in a coat pocket that you forgot about, or getting a free coffee at Starbucks because they mucked up your order. You just never know what might land in your lap. Like take today for instance, I was wondering openly what I might write about, until I opened up the paper. And there in front of me, was a story that just grabbed my attention. Eric Tillman, GM of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, was charged with sexual assault of a 16 year old girl.

Why did this story please me so? Am I a bad person for feeling a small amount of joy that this happened to the Riders instead of, say, the Eskimos? Yeah, I’m a bad person, and yeah, I’m glad it happened to the Riders. Face it, we love to see public figures fall from grace. OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson, Barry Bonds, and so on, and so on. We, as humans, love the morbid. Rubbernecking car accidents is so routine that we hardly think twice about it. Exactly what are you hoping to see? Bloodied faces? Severed limbs? Decapitated heads? Weird.

Eric Tillman, the savior, is probably going to jail. Serves you right Riders fans! Thanks for ripping my Eskmos car flag off of my work truck, breaking it, and throwing it into the street. Now your GM and team are disgraced and he’s probably going to the clink. Isn’t karma a bitch? I wonder if Game On Sports will reduce their 80/20 ratio of Riders to Eskimos stuff in their store to maybe an even 50/50? Will this hopefully shut up some infinitely annoying Riders fans? I hope the answer to these questions is a resounding YES!!

Now before you Riders fans come after my throat, consider this; the RCMP had 6 months to investigate this allegation. 6 freaking months!! This isn’t some random complaint from a drunk hooker that makes people whisper out loud to each other. This is a full blown felony charge against a very public figure linking him to a 16 year old girl. Do you think for a goddamn second that maybe the cops made a mistake and that he’s innocent? How lightly do you think the authorities take a charge of this nature? Don’t you think the cops would surely have their t’s crossed and i’s dotted before dropping this bombshell on the public? You do? Good, because it’s very, very, very likely they did. And it’s very, very, very likely that this is going to get worse before it gets better. Worse, that is, for Riders fans, and I couldn’t be happier for them. If this doesn’t shut them up a little while than nothing will.

This all may sound morbid but ask yourself this: what the hell was Tillman doing in the first place to get caught up in this? He, a 51 year old man, consorting with a 16 year old girl. Stupid. So what’s going to happen to the team now that their supposed moral rudder is facing possible jail time? Could a 3-15 season be on the horizon? We’ll see.


This rant is mine. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Without me, my rant is nothing. Without my rant, I am nothing.